It’s the most wonderful time of the year.
With NFL teams lumping, our hearts will be thumping at tales of the glories of the postseasons long, long ago.
There’ll be scoreboard spying and much data plying with archrivals vying for tiebreakers piled high as the snow.
It’s the mad-maddest season of a-l-l.
No doubt for Vikings fans, who are crunching point differentials and common-opponents winning percentages to chart a path out of the wilderness for a team that is one defeat from a lost season.
Mathematically, the Vikings will not be eliminated if they lose Sunday at home to Indianapolis but they would completely relinquish control of their destiny. Running the table and finishing 10-6 does not guarantee anything either, with Tampa Bay and Washington ahead of them in the wild-card standings with tiebreakers in their back pockets.
Here is a distilled intelligence assessment. Take it with a grain of salt or a shot of Putin’s favorite vodka. If Minnesota wins its final three games and Detroit closes 0-3, the defending NFC North Division champion Vikings retain their title.
Defeating the Colts, Packers and Bears bolsters the Vikings’ wild-card credentials but they need the Buccaneers to lose twice and the Redskins at least once to avoid doomsday tiebreakers.
“There’s really nothing we can do other than take care of our own business,” coach Mike Zimmer said Monday. “I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I’m hoping for some other teams (to lose), but if we don’t win it really doesn’t matter. If we continue to win, good things will happen.”
Nothing comes easy for these Vikings. They practically need a Sherpa to gain 1 yard.
An ugly 25-16 victory at Jacksonville on Sunday reassured them of staying relevant another week but it did nothing to convince anyone that Minnesota has the chops to run the gauntlet.
The Jaguars are 2-11 going on the Browns. Show me another team where the quarterback is flagged for a false start and the kicker is penalized for delay of game on a kickoff, and I’ll offer congratulations on your archeological find.
Still, other teams in the wild-card hunt appear to have a bumpier road to the playoffs.
The Lions have tough games at Dallas and the New York Giants before finishing at home against red-hot Green Bay. Tampa Bay also has to play at Dallas, while the Redskins finish at home against the Giants.
Minnesota’s opponents are a combined 16-23. Their collective .410 winning percentage is the lowest among the teams schedule to play the Vikings’ closest competitors.
The true wild card here might be the health of the NFC North’s top two quarterbacks.
Aaron Rodgers, the two-time league MVP, electrified Lambeau Field with a 66-yard bomb to Davante Adams 1:30 into Sunday’s 38-10 blowout of Seattle. He finished with 246 yards and three touchdowns.
Rodgers also has a pulled hamstring in one leg, a wounded calf muscle in the other and did not play much of the fourth quarter as a precaution.
In Detroit, Matthew Stafford faces questions about leading the first-place Lions with a mangled middle finger on his throwing hand that reportedly will require him to wear a protective glove. Stafford’s rocket arm and the ice water in his veins have produced eight fourth-quarter comebacks and positioned Detroit for its first division championship since 1993.
Meanwhile, Sam Bradford plods along in Minnesota like the tortoise. He finally received decent protection against the Jaguars, bought time in the pocket with his legs and continues to throw strikes, actually completing a handful of deep balls to stretch the field.
Folks above my pay grade at NFL headquarters and data-mining websites are greasing algorithms and if-then conditionals to determine Minnesota’s playoff chances. I would rather stick my tongue to a flag pole than stare at line charts and bar graphs.
Left guard Alex Boone would gladly watch me do it, too.
“I know who everybody’s playing,” he said. “That’s why it’s one of those things where you kind of hope something happens. (But) you can’t be upset about something like that. We put ourselves in this situation. We made it hard on ourselves. It’s a playoff mentality now. We’ve got to win.”
It’s the NFL. It’s December.
There’ll be parties for hosting, $9 beers for toasting and vomiting out in the snow.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year.